If I ever went to a Fall Out Boy concert and Elton John made a guest appearance, I would fucking cry and possibly pass out.

If I ever went to a Fall Out Boy concert and Courtney Love made a guest appearance, I would scream profanities, throw all the shoes (mine and the shoes of anyone near me), and potentially just fucking bounce at that point. All within a minute and a half, i swear.

Permalink · 6 months ago


Permalink · 3 · 6 months ago

I had a dream that Emma Watson had a thing for me.

And I woke up with music from Pocahontas stuck in my head (which I probably haven’t heard in at least ten years).

I’m really confused, but can I go back to sleep?

Permalink · 8 months ago

I think I do life wrong.

  • Me Sober: Slips on ice, falls on ass.
  • Me Drunk off my Ass: Walks on ice like it's nothing like a fucking jesus.
Permalink · 8 months ago

My mom just said “pot pipes and whatever.”

Permalink · 9 months ago

I hate when my cigarettes ugly burn.

Permalink · 9 months ago

Mr. Matthew Tuck:

Put your damn hair back, please.

That is all.

Permalink · 1 · 9 months ago
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Permalink · 5 · 1 year ago
  • One of my best guy friends: Can you be my girlfriend yet?
  • Me: aw...... *awkward silence*
Permalink · 1 year ago